Military Families and Civilian Legal Guidance: What Spouses Should Know About Documents, Divorce, and Custody

As a military spouse you are generally eligible for no-fee help at the base legal assistance office, as its staff and scope allow, and it is the usual place to set up the two documents that matter most before a deployment or move: a power of attorney and a will. If a divorce comes, four federal rules shape the money and health care: federal law leaves division of retired pay to state law, the 10/10 rule controls direct payment, the “frozen” rule sets the base, and the 20/20/20 and 20/20/15 rules decide TRICARE.

Sources checked: September 26, 2026

Free legal help is yours too

Federal law lets the services give legal assistance “in connection with their personal civil legal affairs” to active-duty members, to retirees, and to “Dependents of members and former members,” “Subject to the availability of legal staff resources” (10 U.S.C. 1044). A spouse is a dependent, so eligibility is the rule; whether a particular office can take your matter depends on its scope and staffing. The Navy’s list of what its legal assistance offices normally handle includes “Domestic relations advice, including divorce, legal separation, annulment, custody, and paternity,” along with wills, powers of attorney, and Servicemembers Civil Relief Act questions (Navy JAG legal assistance).

Two limits to plan around. Legal assistance lawyers advise and draft, but the ABA notes that the military lawyer “typically will not represent you in court” (<a href="https://www.americanbar.org/groups/legalservices/milvets/abahomefront/informationcenter/workingwithlawyer/informationaboutlawyers/militarylegalassistance/civil_matters/”>ABA Home Front); a contested divorce or custody case will need a lawyer who can appear in your state’s court. And if your spouse has already talked to a legal assistance office about the divorce, say so when you call, so the office can tell you whether you should be seen somewhere else. To find an office, see the office-by-problem guide.

Before a deployment or a move

Power of attorney. A power of attorney lets you sign for your spouse while they are away: a lease, a car title, a bank matter. The version the legal assistance office prepares has special status under federal law. A military power of attorney “is exempt from any requirement of form, substance, formality, or recording that is provided for powers of attorney under the laws of a State,” and “shall be given the same legal effect as a power of attorney prepared and executed in accordance with the laws of the State concerned” (10 U.S.C. 1044b). A bank or landlord that hesitates can be pointed to that statute. Before signing, decide how broad the power should be; a document limited to the tasks you expect gives less room for misuse than one that covers everything.

Will. Legal assistance offices prepare wills, including “Wills with and without testamentary trusts” in the Navy’s list. Review both spouses’ wills when a child is born or the family moves to a new state.

Emergencies. If a family member dies or is critically ill while your service member is deployed, the American Red Cross emergency communication service notifies the service member, including when the unit is at an unknown location or at sea, and verifies the emergency for the command (American Red Cross).

Leases and debts. Orders to move or deploy can let your service member end a residential lease early under the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act. The conditions, notice, and timing are explained in the SCRA rules civilians deal with.

Divorce and military retired pay: four rules that decide the numbers

In a long military marriage, retired pay can be one of the largest assets, and four separate federal rules touch it. Each answers a different question.

Sources for the table: 10 U.S.C. 1408.

State law decides division. The statute lets a court treat disposable retired pay “either as property solely of the member or as property of the member and his spouse in accordance with the law of the jurisdiction.” There is no federal rule that a spouse gets a set share.

The 10/10 rule is about who writes the check. Direct payment by the government is not made if the former spouse “was not married to the member for a period of 10 years or more during which the member performed at least 10 years of service creditable in determining the member’s eligibility for retired pay.” A court can still award a share under state law after a shorter marriage; what the former spouse loses is direct payment by the government.

The cap. The total “payable under all court orders pursuant to subsection (c),” the provision on dividing retired pay, “may not exceed 50 percent of such disposable retired pay.” That is not a ceiling on everything that can be taken. When those orders are combined with child support or alimony garnishment under “section 459 of the Social Security Act (42 U.S.C. 659),” the statute sets a separate limit: the total “may not exceed 65 percent of the amount of the retired pay payable to such member” that counts as remuneration for employment.

The frozen benefit. When the decree comes before retirement, the share is computed from the member’s position on the date of the decree, increased by later cost-of-living adjustments, not from the higher pay the member may reach by retirement. The input depends on the kind of retirement. For active-duty retirement it is “the member’s retired pay base and years of service on the date of the decree.” For a Reserve or National Guard member retiring under chapter 1223, it is “the member’s retired pay base and creditable service points on the date of the decree.” In either case, the timing of a decree changes the numbers.

Which of these rules helps or hurts you depends on your state, your dates, and the member’s service history. That calculation is the reason to have a lawyer look at the decree before it is signed.

Health care after divorce: 20/20/20 and 20/20/15

TRICARE eligibility for a former spouse turns on three counts: years of the sponsor’s creditable service, years of marriage, and the overlap between them (TRICARE).

• 20/20/20: the sponsor has at least 20 years of creditable service, you were married at least 20 years, and “All 20 years of marriage overlap the 20 years of creditable (active or reserve) service.” Coverage “will continue as long as you remain eligible.”
• 20/20/15: the same, except that fifteen of those years overlap. For divorces on or after September 29, 1988, “You’re TRICARE-eligible for one year from the date of the divorce or annulment.”

Eligibility ends if you “Remarry, even if the remarriage ends in death or divorce (unless you gain eligibility under your new spouse)” or if you “Purchase and are covered by an employer-sponsored health plan.” A few months of marriage or overlap can move a former spouse from lifetime coverage to one year, which is why dates matter when a divorce is being timed.

Custody when a parent deploys

The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act sets a federal floor for custody cases involving deployment (50 U.S.C. 3938):

• A temporary custody order based on deployment must “expire not later than the period justified by the deployment.”
• “no court may consider the absence of the servicemember by reason of deployment, or the possibility of deployment, as the sole factor in determining the best interest of the child.”
• If your state’s law “provides a higher standard of protection,” the court applies the state standard.

The rule protects the deploying parent from losing custody because of the deployment alone. It does not stop a court from weighing everything else.

If you are married to a service member and nothing is wrong, the useful step this month is a power of attorney and two current wills. If a divorce is coming, find out your dates of marriage and service before any agreement is signed. This page explains federal rules in general; state law and your own dates decide how they apply.